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If the first of the Four Noble Truths is that life is suffering, then the first Noble Truth of Parenting is that parenting (especially parenting teens) is hard. And it surely is.
Parenting is hard because the primary job of a parent is to shape their children in a way that inclines them toward the highest good. This is different from just feeling good, which is counter-cultural to how the world often tells us we should be raising our children, so our kids can be resistant.
Culled from thousands of pages of reading, interaction with hundreds of parents, and decades of my own experience, here are five simple tips that can help you become a more intentional parent—and maybe make life a little easier when engaging with our children on things that matter most.
Build the Relationship
Kids don’t just need us to help with homework or shuttle them to practice—they need real time with us. That means engaging with them in what they love, whether it’s playing a video game, going for a walk, or sitting down for dinner without distractions.
Quality time doesn’t happen without quantity time, so carve out moments to be fully present. The payoff? A stronger bond and deeper trust, much like the intentional relationships Jesus modeled with His disciples.
Work on Yourself First
When kids act out, it’s often because they’re not getting something they need—attention, empathy, or understanding. We can’t always fix their behavior overnight, but we can start by working on ourselves.
Are we managing our stress well? Are we being patient and open? Our own emotional well-being directly affects how we relate to our kids. As Jesus taught in Matthew 7:3-5, we must reflect on our own behavior before correcting others. It’s never too late to make improvements in your parenting.
Set and Stick to Boundaries
Kids thrive on consistency, and clear boundaries help them feel secure. Pick 3-5 non-negotiable rules, like bedtime routines or screen time limits, and stick to them no matter what. Remember, it's 'train or be trained'.
Consistency teaches kids that certain things aren’t up for debate. Over time, they’ll learn what’s expected and be less likely to push back. Like God’s commandments guide us in life, setting firm but loving boundaries helps our children understand the value of obedience and order.
Praise the Behavior You Want to See
Kids respond to attention—positive or negative. If we only pay attention when they misbehave, they’ll keep acting out. Instead, focus on what they’re doing right. Be specific: “Great job sharing with your sister,” or “Thank you for being patient at the store.” When kids feel noticed for their positive behavior, they’re more likely to repeat it. Scripture reminds us that our words have the power to build others up (Ephesians 4:29), and by encouraging our children, we reinforce the values we want to see in them.
Lean into Your Community
Parenting is tough, but you don’t have to do it alone. Surround yourself with people who share your values—friends, family, or programs like Youth Group and church.
These communities can provide support, guidance, and a sense of belonging for both you and your kids. Faith-based programs, in particular, help kids develop their character and explore big questions about life and faith, echoing the biblical call to be in fellowship with others (Hebrews 10:24-25).
Parenting is one of the hardest and most important things you'll ever do. With God's help and the support of your community, you don't have to do it alone and I know you are up to the task.
Warmly,
Rob+
Parenting Teens can be hard, but you're not doing it alone. At St. Matthew's, we offer programs like Donuts and Discovery at 9:30 AM and Alpha Youth at 5 PM on Sundays, and a variety of Youth Service Projects and Events where teens can connect, explore life’s big questions, and form lasting friendships.
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